Recently I was given a gift. A $25 gift card to Starbucks. I appreciate the gesture of a gift, however they can kindly shove this gift card up their ass. I mean, honestly, read the room. Who the fuck drinks Starbucks?
If I was given a Dunkin gift card I would have been very grateful. I see the value there. That’s like 10 coffee. For two weeks everyday before work I would be receiving the gift of the caffeine that I need to survive, for free.
But Starbucks? When would I use that shit? When I meet queen for tea? I’m not writing a screenplay about my uneventful life. I don’t wear a beanie indoors. When I where glasses they have prescription lenses not empty frames. In conclusion, I am not a Starbucks person.
I drink Dunks like any good American should. I want a block of styrofoam insulating my coffee, not paper bullshit. I want that same cup to rep my teams logos. I want to be able to order a larger (make that an extra large) and not have the cashier correct me to a made up size.
If somebody says they prefer Starbucks over Dunkin then I instantly know two things about that person. First off, I know they are a huge douche. Secondly, I know they are a fucking liar. They are just too pretentious to admit that their Seattle born coffee is straight trash. Dunks forever. Fuck Starbucks.
If you ever consider buying someone a Starbucks gift card then you might as well get them one to Circuit City or Blockbuster. It’d be equally as useless and disappointing.
Side note. I also fuck with Honey Dew.