According to sources familiar with the matter, an article published on (nme.com) titled “Eminem Says a “Fucking Turd Would Be a Better President than Trump” sent the 45th president over the edge earlier today. The president was scheduled to meet with the PM of Uzbekistan but cancelled the meeting due to an “emergency meeting on domestic matters” with his closest aides.
According to those same anonymous sources, the president sat down infuriated by this turn of events. They claim that the president said something along the lines of: “I figured if I ignored him long enough he would have given up by now. He’s been irrelevant for years. At this stage in his career he is pretty much the Jeb Bush of rap. I could do a better job rapping than him, believe me. I’m from New York City and we have way better rappers than him.”
Donald looked at his youngest aide in the room, and asked him to beat-box a few bars for him. As soon as the young aide realized that the president was serious, he immediately began verbalizing a beat.
“You say that a turd would be better than me?
I get it now, you must have voted for Hillary
You’ve insulted the gays and I think they’re great
maybe you’re just mad about all that dick you ate
I sleep with women and pay them not to tell
You hate women, you say they make your life a mess – a living hell.”
Everyone in the room appeared to be both surprised that he was keeping tempo, and even more frustrated that he was sidelining important presidential duties in order to respond to an entertainer, while being at arguably one of the most important meetings of global leaders throughout the year. According to those present though, when the aid grew tired of beat boxing he said that he was not finished.
“Don’t stop.” he allegedly said as the aide grew tired. “I’ve got to finish this strong.”
“Don’t worry Slim, I can help you out now that you’re as old as me
I’ll send you a Trump Cane, a Trump Walker, and Trump Prune juice, all for free.
Speaking of turds, your career is in the crapper
You rhyme with coffee pot and you think you’re a rapper?
The part worst of all is you insulted your mother…
She was a great woman if you ask me
She loved moaning out, “Please give it to me harder Big D.””
Critics of the president were quick to respond that this event arguably demonstrates the consistent lack of professionalism rampant throughout the current administration, and immediate calls have been made for his resignation.