Milk Etiquette at The Work Place

The glass isn't always half full

What do you when your boss is in your face every day yelling at you? You have a glass of milk. What do you do when you make your move on that harlot Gwen, only to get turned down because of some lame excuse about hanging with her brother instead? You grab a sweet glass of milk. We know milk is important to your office ritual of getting over suffering and loneliness, but how does it compare across nations, borders, state lines, and other words that mean seperated? Here are some interviews that were assembled for your reading pleasure.

“Yeah, milk to me is my escape. If I don’t have it, how do I know I’m even alive?” said one anonymous worker named Paul who work beside me in the other cubicle.

“I just hope nobody finds out that I’m lactose intolerant. That’d ruin my life,” Oh Paul, your secret is safe with us.  Paul lives in Montreal on weekends but works with me on weekdays. He’s a good guy to get a glass of cow booze with.

I then came across Mallory. She had some thoughts on this milk strategy.

“Milk is my way of getting through missed opportunities. Like when Haley left, why didn’t she give me her stapler? She gave it to Burt. Burt hasn’t done a single for our office pool, and cheats at March Madness pools.”

I asked her if heart breaking moments like this are why milk is around.

“Milk can take the sour out of life’s stings. Here in D.C. Milk is prized for all young professionals. You either have it in your business or you don’t,” she proudly stated.

As you look upon your workmates, don’t you think they deserve milk? Don’t you think we, as worker bees in our little worker station, demand to rise above the rest, and see that milk is distributed equally in our work lives? You see folks, life in work is tough with jobs, being fired, being hired, being found out we lied on our resume and then getting fired again. Can’t milk be one of those thing we don’t have to worry about anymore?

The results speak for themselves.

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