Microsoft Notepad, Doogie Howser and Self-Loathing Nostalgia


love using Microsoft notepad to write things. Somehow it reminds me of Doogie Howser. Just the shittiness of it. Remember when Doogie would boot up that old blue-screened, white-fonted desktop POS with those loud spring-loaded sounding keys. And he’d sit down and log a brief yet poetic summation of his high-IQ take on the day? Remember having dreams?
What was the point of Doogie Howser anyway? It had to be a kids show.. “Remember, Kids, if you’re reading this and you’re not a doctor yet.. you’re a failure and Doogie Howser is better than you.” It just occurred to me that Doogie Howser was played by Neil Patrick Harris. If only we had known then how that was going to end up. “Remember, Kids, Doogie Howser is a doctor, but one day he’ll take cocks in his ass. It will be very unsanitary.” At that point I would have felt better about the whole thing.
Doogie Howser, the likeable hateable guy who always seemed a little too smart for his own good. Fuck him and his parents. Imagine what it would be like to parent what is effectively a highly-paid much younger roommate: ego-shatteringly embarassing. I imagine that a lot of Doogie’s mom’s supermarket conversations with other neighborhood moms usually ended up with her saying something like, “Well, you know Doogie,” followed by quiet polite laughter.
Doogie Howser was just a successful Lloyd Braun (of Seinfeld). I’ve heard of these kids who actually do graduate college at 13 and I’m pretty sure they end up killing themselves or going insane. Doogie Howsers do not exist. Why was Doogie Howser a fucking show? Can someone please tell me?
So to sum it up, Microsoft Notepad is awesome because it makes me nostalgic for the frustration of realizing my own shortcomings as a child that I learned through television. THE END.

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