Current Standings 10/6/16
Week 5 Match ups
Game 1: Team Monaco (1-3) vs My Nickname in High School (2-2)
Well not sure if hell froze over and Matty final seen his dick for the first time in years while taking a piss. I know we have Hurricane Mathew coming, but nothing compares to the time Matt got a blow job from a black homeless chick in the hallway of a Vegas hotel for a 40 oz beer and a pack of cigs. Its a pretty good deal if you ask me. I’m sure the romance of it all was just as hot as the surface of Mercury in the dead of summer. Does Big Matt get another win this week? Probably, my team sucks more than Brittney in her pre-engagement days.
Game 2: Team Rudolph (3-1) vs Supersonic Swifty Sloths (4-0)
Here’s a match up that if it doesn’t give you movement, I am not sure what will. Can someone please take out Joey please? This is fucked up, how is this kid winning with a rookie QB? I swear Joe is hacking in each week and changing the scores. Matt or I like to say Hurricane Matt 2.0 or the skinny Matt in the league, has been winning. Isn’t that just a fine how do you do. I guess when you team stays healthy and you don’t have crappy Peyton Manning, everything is peachy.
Game 3: Team Padolsky (0-4) vs Arch Dingo (2-2)
Here’s a match up that is sure to lead to a divorce or an episode of Jerry Springer. Being 0-4 must be killing Joe deep inside specially since he won it all last year. Losing to his lovely wife will be the final nail in the coffin. Joe might jump of one of his properties in his empire. This might lead Joe joining a Jonahs Brothers Cover band and hiring Joey M to recruit the ladies. Maybe that’s what Average 6 should do these days, boy band covers. Now if that doesn’t make a little magic below the waist, I’m not sure what else I could say. Is this the week Joey puts in Thomas Jackson Brady the 3rd and finally wins? Perhaps. Speaking of movement, Tommy B is back in town.
Game 4: Team Chadwell (3-1) vs Green River Killers (2-2)
Speaking of Joe’s who did good last year, but not so good this year, here’s another Joe at 2-2 but of the west coast variety. This is also a another Joe with a kid. Joey P has a kid, Joey C has a kid, Joey M has a 10 year old that hasn’t contacted him yet. Crazy shit right? I bet Jake got a couple kids from when he served this great country over seas. Dropping that seed like your a farmer in Nebraska. Who’s gonna win this one, I have no idea, I learned that I will not play more than maybe 3 leagues next year, this shit is crazy. I wonder if Jake the cop ever meets a girl, brings her home and says “You have the right to get naked baby cakes”?
Game 5: First Lady (0-4) vs It’s Brittany Bitch (4-0)
Can someone tell me how Brittany really is 4-0 right now? What kind of parallel universe do we live in? On the other hand since the day I met Suz, she claim to be a fantasy football bad ass. She tells me she has gone against her usual picking pattern, which is think consists of drafting a defense first and then 13 kickers, but I could be wrong. Speaking of being wrong, has anyone called Nick yet and tell him and doesn’t legally have to marry Britt just because they have a kid together. Joey M has a kid and never got married. I can’t wait to get drunk and do the worm. Maybe some Al b Sure will play and I can sex the first lady up on the dance floor with the Keith Sweat moves I have inherited from my biological dad who is straight from the African Congo. I am going to bet against the first lady this week and we will have a 5-0 and an 0-5 team.
Game 6: Team Polk High (1-3) vs Hammer Slammers (2-2)
The cable guys vs the chemist. One will get you skinner max and other will make you last like you are on skinner max. A doctor once told Adam that since he is the tripod, he will be able to use each leg twice as long because they are both used half as much. Thanks to Jay, I get to watch all the House Wives shows for free for the rest of my life. Nothing gets me more hot than seeing 50 year old broads who have more plastic on them than a Barbie doll. Which leads me to the next thought, why don’t Barbie dolls have genitals? No nipples on Barbie and no Adam Mallet baby arm on Ken. WTF is that all about? I see Adam loosing this week and there will be a shit ton of 2-3 teams and we will all be crawling for that last play off spot, well except for Suz and Joey P who will probably be out of any chance for the play offs after this week.
Arty being a nice guy
So I am a nice guy, I don’t care what you read on bathroom walls of truck stops from coast to coast, I am. To keep people playing even if they stink, I am throwing in Celtics Tickets for the team who wins the consolidation bracket in the playoffs, meaning the best looser so keep that in mind. Your welcome sexy people,
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