Current Standings 9/22/16
Week 3 Match ups
Game 1: Team Rudolph (2-0) vs My Nickname in High School
The Match up of fellow bartenders. In the past we told middle aged flight attendants looking for a good time we were brothers, we were single and we were ready to mingle, but not lately. The days of flight attendant Tuesdays are one of the past were sauced up ladies of the air would try to lower the two of us back to their room. This match up is a little better and will help us sleep better at night. I barely won last week by .9 points over Joe the Lawyer, who probably wants to take that game to arbitration. Matt is 2-0 which is impressive, that’s what i say to my dry cleaner, I’m impressed. Considering Matt won two all last year, he must have movement in his pants. With AP and Jimmy G out, my team probably looks like one of those 65 year old, skin like an old catches glove, FA naked. Nothing feels better than when you look at a match up and he is leading in all categories, but its fantasy football anything could happen, right? I mean Kevin Garnet said someone on those lines.
Game 2: Team Padolsky (1-1) vs Team Monaco (0-2)
Little Matty has spent to much time at the donut shop to actually make his fantasy team decent. The kid runs a gym but looks like he is in the pro circuit for sumo wrestling. When Matt sees 0-2, he sees donuts and 2 of them. Erika on the other hand might kill her husband if she looses this week. Why her husband? because as a guy we all know its easier to take the blame even when its not your fault, so Matty beating Erika will end up being Joe’s fault. Plain and simple. Sexy Matty’s team looks like it has the edge, but if I know Erika, she’ll rip that edge right off and beat you with it, like she did to me week 1. Newton vs Luck. What goes up must come flying into Matty’s mouth, just remember that kids. And Luck is when Matty gets to Burger King and they throw in an extra burger in his bag.
Game 3: Supersonic Swifty Sloths (2-0) vs Arch Dingo (0-2)
Joey of the Monaco variety is hotter then Jimmy G with his shirt off right now. On the other hand, the defending champ right now is looking like the giant shit my dog little Tommy Brady took yesterday on the kitchen floor. As I sit here with my tea and hard boil eggs all I can think about is the time these two ass clowns used to do weekly picks with me and I lost every week and had to eat horrific shit and the one time Joey P actually looses he refused to do what ever it was he had to do. Well Joey 13 years later, its all coming back, just like the pepe inflammation Joey M got on spring break 1 in Ft. Myers. Joey P better win otherwise I might be getting audited. Should be a close one, hipster Joey M has that banana head Prescot in while Joey P has the second biggest donut eater, next to Matty M, as his QB. Should be wilder then an episode of Honey Boo Boo.
Game 4: Team Chadwell (1-1) vs Hammer Slammers (1-1)
Here is a match up of two guys I met on Craigslist. Adam I met looking for someone to blog with, Jake I bet when I was on an episode of how to catch a predator. Nothing like getting busted at a Red Roof Inn on Rt 1 in Saugus right guys? Finally got the tripod’s check in the mail today. He post dated it until next year. Nice move, that’s something I would pull. Its the battle of the M’s, Manning vs Mariota, which sounds like a hotel name. This is another close one here in fantasy land. Fantasy, huh, grown men and women pretending to own people. Is this fantasy football or fantasy slavery? With the non Revere division tighter than a nuns asshole, this is a must win for both teams.
Game 5: First Lady (0-2) vs Team Polk High (0-2)
Well the silver lining in this match up is one of you will break your loosing streak right? The First Lady was talking a lot of shit going into this year about kicking my ass. Well she still might, I am only 1-1 and have a team that looks like the Golden Girls now, mostly dead. I think Jay plays fantasy football for the social interaction, not actually to win. Although I should be nice to Jay, he is a Comcast guy and might know a way to accidentally get the Sunday package. And calm down Adam, when I say Sunday Package, I don’t mean the semi chub I get when I accidentally rub up against you on the subway the day you looked like Tom Cruise. Its a match up of two senior citizen QB’s, Rogers vs Brees. Lets see what one is sent to the nursing home first folks.
Game 6: It’s Brittany Bitch (2-0) vs Green River Killers (2-0)
So I am convinced the only reason Britt has at least 1 win is because her future husband is doing her team. Speaking of Nick, do you know how much our family has to pay him a year to marry Britt? Its like having a second cable bill every month. Apparently there is something sassy in the waters of Washington State because Joey C is like an animal. We might have a Fantasy ringer here folks or he pays $35 a month to Farrell on the Bench for all the winning picks. Speaking of Farrell, how the hell is that horse voice pickle tickler on the radio and my charming self is not? Bull shit right? Its Bortles vs Rivers and that is all the sexy i have to say. Who will break a way with the lead this week and who will be out of winning any money by 3?
Arty being a nice guy
So I am a nice guy, I don’t care what you read on bathroom walls of truck stops from coast to coast, I am. To keep people playing even if they stink, I am throwing in Celtics Tickets for the team who wins the consolidation bracket in the playoffs, meaning the best looser so keep that in mind. Your welcome sexy people,
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