It’s that time of year where mid season report cards come out for NFL teams. You can probably find someone writing one up just about anywhere. Well, I decided to take a different approach. Instead of writing a mid-season report on all the NFL teams like everyone else, I decided to grade how hot I think each teams cheerleaders are.
You can argue that cheerleading is a sport. (HAHAHA it’s not) Most NFL teams have a squad of attractive women who have the task of trying to get the crowd pumped up. Whether there efforts actually succeed or they are simply eye candy for the fans, there presance can’t be ignored on the field.
This review was actually difficult to put together. I had to spend hours filtering through team photos. I know poor me, filtering though photos of attractive women. Some squad websites simply had better/ sexier photos while others had boring ones. I’m sure I passed over a few beauties due to not seeing a better photo of them but I pretty much got a good idea of what teams have the hottest cheerleaders. That being said, six of the thirty two NFL teams don’t have cheerleaders. I know right!? What are people supposed to look at when there team is sucking? These are my grades for how hot I think the cheerleaders are for the AFC teams. It’s important to remember also I am grading these cheerleaders on a level of ‘cheerleader’ hotness. So the bar is a little higher. Obviously, they all have good bodies to be cheerleaders and I wouldn’t kick most of them out of my bed.
Buffalo Bills http://www.buffalojills.com/roster.php
Opinion: Honestly, I found nothing special about these girls. They are called “The Buffalo Jills” I find them boring. Everything from there outfits that look like they were made twenty years ago to there generic cheerleader hottness does nothing for me. Like any squad of course there are some attractive women but no one girl makes my jaw drop either.
Miami Dolphins – http://www.dolphinscheerleaders.com/the-squad
Opinion: The Miami Dolphins have what you would expect from a team in a warm climate, lots of busty blonds and girls who look like they know how to have fun in the sun.
New England Patriots – http://www.patriots.com/cheerleaders/roster.html
Opinion: The Patriots might be in first place in the AFC East but compared to some of the other cheerleader squads in the AFC they are a bit bland.
New York Jets – http://www.newyorkjets.com/flight-crew/flightcrew-roster.html
Opinion: The Jets might be thought of as a horribly run franchise but this flight crew is fly.
Baltimore Ravens – http://www.baltimoreravens.com/photos/photo-gallery/2013-Cheerleader-Calendar-Shoot/701c243e-7e26-4a3a-8ebe-e3c58b2c0786#start
Opinion: Couldn’t find a roster photo but found the calendar shoot slideshow. Great photo shoot but lots of butterfaces. Woof! go play fetch Rover.
Cincinnati Bengals – http://www.bengals.com/cheerleaders/ben-gals.html
Opinion: The Ben-gals are very disappointing and hands down the worst in the AFC. The oldest chick on this squad is 42. Try not to break a hip granny. I am also convinced a few of them are cross dressing men.
Houston Texans – http://www.houstontexans.com/cheerleaders/2013-squad.html
Opinion: Maybe Matt Schaub has had such a shittie year so far because he is distracted by these hotties. I can’t say I blame him.
Indianapolis Colts – http://www.colts.com/cheerleaders/cheerleaders-roster.html
Opinion: All of them range from average cheerleader hottness to good. I think they could use a little bit more diversity though.
Jacksonville Jaguars – http://www.jaguars.com/cheerleaders/roster.html
Opinion: Not bad but it’s a shame nobody will ever see them since nobody goes to Jaguar games.
Tennessee Titans – http://www.titansonline.com/cheerleaders/cheerleader-roster.html
Opinion: No tens in Tennessee but a solid group of mostly standard cheerleader hotties.
Denver Broncos – http://www.denverbroncos.com/cheerleaders/roster.html
Opinion: These girls match up very close with the Colts.
Kansas City Chiefs – http://www.kcchiefs.com/cheerleaders/cheerleader-roster.html
Opinion: Some of them have scary bug eyes.
Oakland Raiders – http://www.raiders.com/raiderettes/roster.html
Opinion: The Raiderettes are a very diverse group of hotties.
San Diego Chargers – http://www.chargers.com/charger-girls/squad.html
Opinion: Some of them look air brushed to cover up years of hard partying.
In the AFC it’s The Texans vs The Jets in my opinion. This is like asking me if I care whether I am drinking Coke vs Pepsi. If I was forced to make a decision, I pick the Texan cheerleaders. The Jet’s flight squad has some pretty hot outfits but the Texan cheerleaders hotness seems more well rounded. Next week we look at the NFC.