Trump to Ban Little Free Libraries

(Cleveland, OH) In a scathing assessment of the national economy, presidential candidate Donald J. Trump stated last night that his administration would, in an effort to trim non-essentials, eradicate the popular Little Free Libraries from American streets.

“The waste in this country is abominable” a red-faced Trump bellowed from the podium at the Republican National Convention. “We can not afford to be giving out freebies with the national deficit being as it is.  It’s a disgrace. These little free libraries are a drain on society. I want to see these Harlequin romances and AAA guide books pumped back into their local economies.”

The tiny libraries, based on good hearted principles of sharing and recycling, are, according to Trump, “an affront to Republican values. An affront to American ideals.”

Picketing outside the convention, supporters of the libraries carried signs with slogans such as ‘Louis L’Amour Lives!’ on them. Several arrests were made.  One bespectacled librarian from Cambridge, Ma., her voice trembling with passion, shouted’Where will we put the books that don’t get sold in the fall book and bake sale?!’ Her question was greeted with boisterous applause, as police in riot gear hovered nearby.

Trump says that, if elected, the libraries will be off the street within the first month he’s in office.

——Jonathan Donahue


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