(Washington, DC) – A common North American bird species has announced that it is seeking to legally change its name. The Tufted titmouse, a small, gray-blue member of the chickadee family common in the eastern half of the United States, cites ongoing misunderstandings and jokes made at its expense as reason for the change.
From its nest in Bethesda, MD, a spokesbird for the species comments: “It’s really tiring after a while, the constant jests about our anatomy or lack thereof. It is particularly degrading to females. Plus, on inter-species chat sites, rodents hit us up, thinking they’re talking to a mouse. The entanglements are endless. Ultimately, we feel our kind deserves as much respect as any other.”
The titmice have petitioned the National Audubon Society to support their cause, and say they will not take no for an answer. Chief Executive Officer David Yarnold says he understands the titmice’s plight, and is doing whatever he can within the parameters of the organization. “For more than a hundred years, parents have complained about awkward bird-watching moments with their young children. A child will see a titmouse, ask what it is, only to have parents blush, create diversions, or in the worst cases, shoo the bird away so as to avoid tension. This stunts the development of young bird-watchers, and obviously causes feelings of intense persecution amongst the species itself.”
Assuming that the name change is authorized by the Audubon, as well as other state and federal officials, the next challenge will be to determine the new name. Said the spokesbird, “Myself, I favor Blue-Crested Sky Lord, but many options are being considered. In fact, we have hired a national marketing firm to come up with the best possible moniker for the species. Labels are important. We become what we’re called. Well, not really.”
The Tufted titmice are expected to have their new name established by the end of 2016.
-J.Donahue, Staff Reporter