Packie Posts

Beautiful Woman’s Fart Traumatizes Friend

Boston, Ma. –  Local after-work party girl Melanie Hanson experienced a life-changing event at popular watering hole The Crusty Crab this past Tuesday, when her stunningly gorgeous friend Veronica audibly passed gas on a pre-dinner trip to the ladies room.

Hanson had excused herself from the table where she and six other local administrative assistants were meeting for drinks, and went to the bathroom to urinate. Arriving stylishly late as is her custom, Veronica Linton, a part-time model and full-time corporate receptionist, had apparently said hello to the group, then announced she was going to quickly “powder her nose” before returning.

Thinking she was alone, Linton primped in the mirror, and while doing so was said to have emitted several deep, resonant, flatulent blasts from her anal region.

“I completely froze” said Ms. Hanson. “At first I couldn’t believe it. I mean she’s, like, so beautiful. But I recognized her shoes under the side of the stall, and when I peered through the little crack of the door , I saw that it was definitely her” Hanson said she then witnessed Ms. Linton frantically waving her right hand behind her shapely posterior, in an apparent attempt to disperse the gas, before quickly exiting the room and returning to the table.

Ms. Hanson said the incident had a profound effect on her. “I was not myself for the rest of the evening….well, not until the fourth Margarita. The confusing part is that I’ve had one of those girl-crushes on her. I had thought it would be fun to get buzzed some night and make out with her in public. But now, I just don’t know.”

On a deeper level, Hanson has nagging questions about life itself. “I mean, I like have to re-think everything. When something like this happens, the playbook just goes out the window. I don’t know what I’m going to do from here. You know, I guess I’m in shock.”

Ms. Linton could not be reached for comment.

-Vince Voltage

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