I recently watched the first Superman in order to prepare me for watching this movie. (You know, so I would know who Superman was.) It was terrible. I did not like it at all and as a result I do not have high hopes for this one.
This might be weird but I always thought Batman and Superman were good guys. Huh. Maybe they weren’t friends but at least they both liked it when the bad guys stopped being bad. So it’s weird to me that the good guys are fighting. They’re gonna be fighting a lot probably because the name of the movie makes it seem like they are.
The movie starts with memories of the fight scene from the first Superman that can only be described as “10 9/11s” because the good guy bad guys fight and a whole lot of buildings filled with people get destroyed. Batman is mad at Superman because one of those buildings had people he liked in it.
This was a Jeep commercial towards the start of the movie then later in a chase scene (that was completely unnecessarily) all the bad guys are driving Dodges. I tell ya, those are some splendid cars. I think probably the least amount of drunk driving accidents occur when a Daimler-Chrysler vehicle is involved. You should buy those cars!
When Batman wears a mask he also has a black eye shadow around his eyes. He had the eye shadow on when he had the mask on and then with Superman rips his mask off he doesn’t have the eye shadow. He has the eye shadow on at another point and then later when half of his mask is destroyed he doesn’t have eye shadow on at all. I would have loved to seen the discussion in a conference room about when he was going to and not going to have his eye shadow or not (because you know that conversation went on for hours).
So many times in this movie I was asking myself “why is this happening?” And “what’s the point of this?”
Why did Lex Luthor blowup the Capitol building? Just to tie up that pesky plot point and kill a few useless characters? I’m not sure Lex Luther was really thinking ahead.
Batman and Superman fought for only a little bit. Batman was mad for quite a while. Mostly the bad guy was Lex Luthor. Hm. Maybe they should have called this “Superman and Batman (and Wonder Woman for a little bit) V. Lex Luthor: Dawn of Justice”
Of course the end of the movie there is a bunch of aliens (sorry I meant superheroes and super villains) fighting each other with punches and other stuff. Some have lasers coming out of their face orifices. So that’s nice.
This movie wasn’t as terrible as the last superman but it still wasn’t good.
Other random thoughts:
- Was that Ben Affleck jumping out of the helicopter in the beginning? Was it too dangerous a stunt for him they had another guy do it but then forgot to change the actors face in post? It confused me when all of a sudden the same guy was Affleck. (Maybe it was him to being with and I’m a dumb moron.)
- Was Wayne yelling Jack or dad? Why not change the name of the character that dies when the building falls. I can’t have been the only confused one.
- This director fucking loves dream sequences. Also, nice job making audience members jump out of their seat a few times for no friggin reason.
- What did that graffiti say on Superman’s statue? I’m colorblind and I couldn’t read it.
- I’m no scientist but, I suspect the seconds on the clock were ticking down faster than real life seconds to make it more dramatic.
- I love that some of the guys fighting batman thought to themselves “oh no these bullets aren’t working, let’s punch him, that will surely work.”
- How many reporters and news anchors could they squeeze into this movie? Did they think that would get it better ratings?
- Actors: Ben was fine. Before this came out a lot of people had reactions to it for or (mostly) against him being batman. He was fine. Whatever. Jesse Eisenberg was great as Lex Luthor. Lawrence Fishburne annoyed the shit out of me as the editor of the Daily Planet.
- If you are sexually attracted to representations of female super heroes you will likely touch yourself to a copy of this dvd. Lois Lane is in a bathtub (naked)! You don’t get to see what her nipples look like or what her crotch area looks like but it is suggestive of those areas at times so that is nice. Later there is a nice (clothed) crotch shot of Wonder Woman. Beat on gents and some ladies.
- While I was writing this review I was listening to the first single from 90s post grunge rock band Our Lady Peace’s second album Clumsy.
(Can we please not see this movie. Can we please not encourage this nonsense?)
This movie is going to make a lot of money because people seem to love this bullshit. Congratulations Hollywood.
TLDR: 2/5. Not a great movie but I was fairly entertained. Fuck this shit…but whatever.
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