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Packie Posts

5 More Stupid Places to Have Sex

By popular demand, I am back with five more stupid places that you should never do the dirty deed!

In front of a video camera

camI understand the curiosity. However, unless you have a director and lighting specialist at your disposal,  I can almost guarantee that it won’t come out the way you think! If you nit pick at your appearance a lot and harbor some serious insecurities about your own body, then seeing all your parts in motion and flapping around on television is not going to help! More importantly, make sure it gets erased. In fact, erase it together. The longer that video exists, the chance of it ending up someplace that it shouldn’t will always be a possibility. Or, just don’t do it to begin with!

In the woods (not while camping)

forestI never understood why any normal person would have sex in the woods. You can’t do it in a car? You can’t rustle up enough cash for a cheap hourly motel? If your a teenager, you can’t wait for your parents to go out?  Those options aren’t great either, but they are certainly better than the woods! Aside from giving the wildlife an entertaining show, a lot of things can happen in the woods if you aren’t careful. You could twist an ankle. If you are really stupid and not paying attention, you could end up in a place where hunting is permitted. Maybe you somehow managed to get close to a campground where you could be witnessed and this is how a small child will learn about the birds and bees.

While driving (especially if you drive a standard)

acccident

Look mom! No hands! Oh, shit!!!

I once knew a guy who claimed he had sex once while driving a standard. I call bullshit on that! Receiving a sexual treat via oral is always a possibility. However, full blown penetration/ riding the hobby horse sex? I don’t think so. Maybe if you were driving through an area like middle America where the roads have miles upon miles of boring straight away. I’m sure people have tried it. Although, I can’t imagine it being enjoyable. Your view will obviously be obstructed. Your a distraction to other drivers. Once your “volcano” erupts, you risk losing focus and crashing. That would be some serious multitasking as you switch gears. I would love to see a state troopers reaction on the open road if he or she pulled up along side that.

 

The Cemetery

cemeteryA Cemetery is a calm peaceful place and its not like the dead are going to complain. When I think deeper about it though, this is a place where many grieve over the passing of a loved one.  So I don’t think getting “excited” would really be in the cards for me. Also, imagine if you were actually caught and arrested for this?  Making your mark in the police blotter where everyone can read how you were arrested for performing lewd sexual acts in a cemetery might make a few neighbors think twice about inviting you to that yearly block party. It might also make people think you are into that necrophilia shit.

At your work office

officelocation has a lot of high risk potential. You might think you know your work area quite well. However, that doesn’t mean a camera or two isn’t lurking in place you don’t know about.  Or, maybe you forgot to take into account what time the cleaning crew shows up. Furthermore, a lot of us live paycheck to paycheck. So putting yourself at risk of being fired (if you don’t have a backup plan) is always a bad idea. You can also kiss that job reference goodbye.

Adam Mallett

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If you haven’t read part 1

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1 Comment on 5 More Stupid Places to Have Sex

  1. It’s “you’re a teenager”. I despise ignorant people trying to write.

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