If you haven’t heard, Ahmed Mohammed, the fourteen year old not-a-bomb clock maker wants $15,000,000 from the city of Irving, Texas and school officials. Let’s never mind the fact that people who spend actual, significant time behind bars and on death row in wrongful convictions often times get paid much less, that is a bull shit amount of money. Don’t get me wrong, Ahmed was put through a lot of emotional trauma and duress during this ordeal. He just doesn’t deserve that kind of cash. He already got to meet the President and all this swag from Microsoft, what more does he need? Irving, Texas is probably going to have to pay something, they just need to think a little… unconventionally.
Here is how you squirm out of this with a low-ball offer. Give him some bubble gum, a new Xbox One and a hand job from a woman with really big boobs that he can brag to his friends about. Heck, make it a knobber and throw in a gram of weed for good measure. This kid is fourteen fucking years old, don’t out-kick your coverage.
P.S. – That shit does NOT look like a clock. You ever see a clock that looks like that? I didn’t think so.