Nothing Says I Love You Quite Like Two Dozen Decapitated Rubber Ducks

Convincing a stranger to go out on a date with you can present quite the challenge. The first, most important thing is to get their attention. Just sliding up next to a girl at a club and saying ,”Hey.” will often times not be enough. You need to think outside of the box. A young woman who attends the University of Cambridge has been having someone try to get her attention in a very, hmmmm, shall we say, “creative” way. Nineteen year old, Abbie Coombs, alleges that a stalker has been prying into her dorm room and leaving creepy, mutilated rubber ducks. On top of being decapitated and mutilated, the rubber ducks have been found painted with nail polish to mimic blood and scrawled with bizarre messages. The student said she is unsure of who can be leaving her the terrifying tub toys, but it has been happening since her second day at Cambridge University.

Bold move, anonymous stalker. You have gotten her attention. The count is 3-1 and she is looking for a pitch to hit. Now you just need to sweep her off her feet. It’s not quite what i would have gone for, though.  I would have done things a little bit more the old fashioned way. Ya know, by masturbating into a cup and smearing it on her dorm room door handle and then be curiously close by when she gets a handful of that mess. I’d offer her a towel and we’d talk about what kind of maniac could do such an awful thing. Before you know it, we’d be getting a coffee and planning our next date. Works every time.

Side note: The girl in the article above mentioning she is a part time model is laugh out loud funny to me. Immediately puts me in Flight of the Conchords territory. Depending on the street, she could totally be in the top 3 hottest girls on the street.


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