After Columbus Day, Whiny Millennials Take Aim At Daylight Savings Time

You’ve instagrammed your latte and fired up your laptop. Now it’s time to join the Internet mob and point your pitchfork.


It’s a day that ends in Y. Time to instagram your latté, fire up the laptop, and join the Internet mob to point the pitchforks. Today, we are trying to get rid of Daylight Savings Time. Apparently, changing your clocks sucks now. Adjusting our clocks has been linked to increased crimes, heart attacks, suicide rates, negatively affected economy and blah, ba-blah-de who fucking cares? Actually, come to think of it, maybe I do? These fucking losers actually make a rather compelling case.

People seem to be really impassioned about getting this changed like it has real, tangible effects on their lives. In reality, you are probably just a basic bitch who hates losing an hour of sleep and haven’t figured out to go to bed an hour early once a year. If I am gonna throw my hat in the ring, I say we double down with a change to Double Summer Time. Twighlight rates at the golf course would be awesome.


4 Comments on After Columbus Day, Whiny Millennials Take Aim At Daylight Savings Time

  1. As a web software programmer, daylight savings time is a huge pain, so no, this isn’t just a millennial thing. Focusing on a single portion of society makes you look like a whiny millennial yourself.

  2. Abolish Daylight Saving Time so Noon can be Noon, and Midnight can be Midnight.

    Either that, or rename DST to “13 Noon Time” to make the name more honest.

  3. While we’re at it…I also favor redefining the four seasons as follows:

    Spring = Feb. 4 to May 4
    Summer = May 5 to Aug 7
    Autumn = Aug 8 to Nov 6
    Winter = Nov 7 to Feb 3

    That’s in order to put the solstices and equinoxes at the MIDDLE of the season they are named after. Given that light/dark is the root cause of hot/cold weather, summer and winter should be defined exclusively with respect to daylight, not temperature.

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