If you read my previous post about being taken advantage of for having watched the movie Woodlawn, you’ll understand why I’m trying to get my money back.
Sure, it’s not even my money. I signed up for a product where I pay a flat rate per month and can see a movie a day in theaters. It’s the principle of the thing. I didn’t want my $12.79 to count towards the box office gross of this movie. I don’t want to encourage the sort of behavior that results in this movie. I was going to try to get a refund.
At the end of the movie, right before there credits, there was a website that flashed on the screen. “For questions about faith and hope.” I visited the website and selected the online chat feature. I was connected with a volunteer who I will call “Bill.”
Bill: Welcoem (sic)
Bill: How is your day?
Steve: Today is fine. Thanks. I wanna talk about yesterday. I just saw that movie Woodlawn which is where I found this website. I was disappointed with it. The plot was bad.
Bill: Ok. What was the plot? I have not seen it yet.
Steve: Do you know how I would go about trying to get my money back? ($12.79)
Bill: What did you not like?
Steve: Basically it’s about a football team and then every half-hour someone changes their beliefs to believe in God and then that’s Ok.
Bill: No, I don’t. Go to the people you paid, I suppose.
Bill: Are you being fair though or was it the subject matter that you were prejudiced against from the start?
Steve: This website was right before the credits so I assumed this website has something to do with the movie.
Steve: No I’m open minded to belief in God. This isn’t God Doesn’t Exist 3.
Steve: I just thought it was a terrible movie.
Bill: We didn’t make the movie. We just volunteered to take calls or chats for interested people.
Steve: Oh okay. Thank you for volunteering. Thank you for having this discussion with me.
Bill: Sometimes, it is really hard to place real life inside a 90 minute production.
Bill: Did you get the gist of what they were communicating though?
Steve: Oh I got it. It doesn’t matter if your football team loses because God.
Bill: Well, winning games is not the most important think in eternity, right?
Steve: I guess I wanted to see a story of a football team and people overcoming adversity and not a movie about people who found faith and then the rest of it just works itself out.
Bill: If a team wins all of its games this year, what will that matter 100 years from now?
Bill: Maybe they were going for a bigger message though.
Steve: I guess the message just missed the mark.
Steve: Thanks for talking with me. See you in heaven
That conversation with Bill made me want to devote my life to the consumption of opiates and I could live wherever god would send me and I could enjoy gods love wherever.
My next stop was AMC. As Bill suggested I should go to where I gave the money. Instead of physically going there, I went there with words. With Twitter!
@StevenRichardK: @AMCTheatres am I allowed to get my money back after I’ve seen an entire movie?
@StevenRichardK: @AMCTheatres honestly its not even my $. It’s @MoviePass $, its just, Woodlawn, was terrible. I want them not to have my money.
After a few hours I didn’t hear anything from AMC. However…
@MoviePass: @StevenRichardK always happy to take those bullets for you! 😉
I’m not going to get my money away from those monsters but I was pretty satisfied after that.
I swear I’m not being paid by Movie Pass. I’m a paying customer who joined only a few weeks ago and so far I’m satisfied. You can try it for 2 weeks and if you click through my link I’ll get a $10 credit for referring you. (https://www.moviepass.com/referral/email/XLT1ENI3Za5G49zJ%2BzXo8tFcx3jPRwpcw4zvYmoopr4%3D/1445445668967)
Steven Richard K is the host of the Search for a Cohost Podcast (searchforacohost.com) and a member of the sketch group Mister Bismuth. Follow Steven on Twitter @StevenRichardK