Julian Edelman Dislocates Finger; Shouldn’t Hinder Groping Game Going Forward


After catching a touchdown pass thrown by Tom Brady in the first quarter of their game against the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday night, pint-sized Patriots receiver, Julian Edelman, has evidently suffered a dislocated right pinkie finger. The apparent injury seemingly caused him trouble corralling footballs the rest of the game. So much so, that a bobbled pass in the second quarter induced Tom Brady’s first interception of the season along with 6 points to the Indianapolis side. The lasting effects of the injury remained to be seen at the moment, but most do not believe Edelman will miss any game time action.

Off the field, many believe this should have little ramification on Edelman’s groping game. He is said to be as highly effective at groping with his left hand as he is his right and it should not hinder his pursuit of unwanted sexual contact with random club patrons. His go to move; the drive-by slazenger, is lightning quick and difficult to be seen to the naked eye or security camera, as evidenced by the Boston Police Department’s Sexual Assault Unit.

Slazenger –  Sex Act; Manual stimulation of the clitoris, vulva and/or vagina by a partner while facing each other. The hand, palm up, is placed on the female genitalia to induce sexual arousal with the fingers moving in a back and forth, rubbing motion. Often times done in a discreet manner in a public location. Technique variation includes, but is not limited to; the 1 finger, 2 finger, the full count and the hook. Ex: “After a few drinks, Dave placed his hand between his date’s legs and vigorously gave her the [slazenger] on the dance floor, much to the bemusement of fellow party-goers.”


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