Now that I’ve had a couple of weeks to digest the Game of Thrones Season 5 finale, it’s time to recap & bitch & moan about what happened and what could possibly come next. Be advised, MAJOR SPOILERS!
The situation for Stannis was looking grim. Half his army has gone AWOL and his wife hanged herself. Hey! Lord of The Light! now might be a good time to do something! Stannis and his army..um..small army..um batch of loyal idiots probably just consisting of stable boys march toward Winterfell. Sansa who has pretty much been reduced to a sex toy for Ramsay, goes to the top of the tower & lights a candle hoping someone would see her signal. However, I think she realized the odds of that were slim. Once she peeked through the tower window and realized Stannis was getting his ass kicked, she knew it wasn’t going to happen and she would need to retreat back to her dungeon and wait for her creepy hobbit looking husband to come back.
After Stannis & friends get slaughtered, Brienne who has been trying to stalk Sansa from the woods, comes across a very wounded Stannis and kills him. I’m happy she killed him and got her revenge because I am really getting sick of anything involving Brienne. I just want her plot line completed so she can die. Seriously, while I admire her persistence in keeping her vow, it’s just annoying to me as the viewer now. Don’t you think this piece of the story has been milked to the max!? “I took a vow.” Blah blah blah. Since she is still alive, I think its safe to assume she will run into Reek and Sansa who hopped the castle wall together after Reek sent Miranda plummeting to her death. I also hope she or Podrick is good at making leg braces since that jump looks like a leg breaker.
Cersei confesses her sins to the religious wack job and is allowed to return to the castle as she awaits trial. Her walk home was literally a “walk of shame” as she is stripped down and forced to walk naked down the street while being yelled at and pelted by anything the community could get a hold of. That must be great for the self esteem. As she walks through the door she is received by a new member of the kings guard “Robert Strong” who is most likely Gregor. (the guy who killed Oberyn in the ring by busting his head open with his bare hands) He was last seen being experimented on in a lab and practically on life support. It looks like they turned him into a mid evil version of ‘Bane’ from The Dark Knight Rises. All I could think about is how all these religious nuts are probably going to die. Hopefully, Tommen’s balls finally drop and he has them executed. He’s the king! He can do whatever he wants! Joffrey was a prick but this never would have happened while he was on the thrown. He would have rounded up all the religious nuts & had them executed. Then he would have displayed there heads on spikes and admired it.
Myrcella, Jaime, Bronn and Trystane sail away from Dorne. Myrcella tells Jaime that she knows he is her father. She seems fine knowing her uncle is her dad. I think joy is the last possible emotion that I could feel at that moment. This heart to heart moment is brief as Myrcella starts bleeding from the nose. Damn you Ellaria and your poison! Cersei already has enough problems to deal with. I don’t think its a good idea for Jaime to return. This news will probably make her a total basket case. My hopes of a fun time family reunion is looking less likely with every new passing episode.
In a total Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre move, Arya steals a face from the House of Black & White and puts it on. With her new disguise, she enters a brothel and kills Meryn. (the guy that killed her old sword instructor) Jaquen (her mentor) and his little female assistant get pissed at her. Jaquen kills himself but not really since he “never really existed” and re-spawns behind her. Arya then goes blind because she put on a face without being “no one” Ugh, this being “no one” thing gives me a headache. She is also one of the most annoying apprentices I have ever seen. Now that she is blind, they gave her something else to whine about.
In Meereen, Daenerys doesn’t know how to fly her dragon. (Maybe she needs some tips from the animated Dreamworks film.) As a result, she has been flown to the top of a mountain. Daario and Jorah set off to find her. Does anyone know how long it takes grey scale to set in? Plus, I did see him take Daenerys by the hand in the last episode. Soooo ya? Tyrion, Grey Worm and Missandei are left behind to run the city for now. Varys just magically appears next to Tyrion in the castle. How the hell did he just get in the castle so easily? Great security procedures guys. While Daenerys is taking a stroll in the mountain side, she is swarmed by TONS of Dothraki on horseback.
At Castle Black, the watch have decided to mutiny against Jon Snow for helping the wildlings. They stab him several times & leave him to bleed out on the ground. Earlier in the episode, Jon sent Sam, little Sam and buck tooth Gilly off so Sam could become a maester. It’s probably a good thing Sam left, considering he is a Jon loyalist. In a way, Jon getting killed is Sam’s fault. If the oaf never spoke up to begin with then Jon would have never become commander. A lot of people think Jon isn’t really dead, but we have seen in the past how the writers are willing to kill off main characters and end story lines without any hesitation. One theory is that “The Red Women” Melisandre could resurrect him. She always took a liking to Jon. We also know that resurrections are possible in the Game Of Thrones universe and with Stannis dead she needs someone new to claim is the reincarnation of some stupid god.
Now that the show has caught upto the books, its anyone’s guess as to what happens next. Where will Reek & Sansa go? Is Jon Snow really dead? What will the Dothraki do with Daenerys? Is Myrcella dead? What’s next for Arya? Where is Bran? Is he still just hanging out in that tree? Will Tommen finally become a big boy, save his wife, defend his mom and have the religious nuts executed? How will Meereen deal with the gold masked “Sons of the Harpy”? Will the mid evil version of Bane (Robert Strong) kick some ass? Will grey scale become an issue? So many damn questions, it’s madness. Well, I guess we will just have to keep wondering until Spring 2016…..Or whenever the script leaks.
– Adam Mallett