Bizarre Sports

By Adam Mallet

Baseball, Football, Hockey & Basketball are the most followed sports in this country. We tend to look at other sports like Curling with a “what the hell is that all about?” mentality. As odd as curling might seem, some sports exist that are waaay more bizarre. So if your traveling, be on the look out for some of these sports that you might have played in your backyard as a kid but never realized you could have gone pro.

Freestyle Walking

I don’t know how this stupid thing started and I really don’t care. This is one sport on the list you have probably heard of. Basically, you just run around and jump off and hang from things like a 10-year old in need of ADHD medication, or a monkey who just escaped from a lab. Some might say freestyle walking is being creative with your environment. I just call it a sport invented to make poor people feel better about themselves.


Ouch! Really? This sport sounds horribly painful. I’m a big baby when it comes to getting hit in the shin. Hell, I whine just from bumping it into the leg of a table. I can’t imagine someone trying to kick my shin for the reason of sport. Anyway, it originated in the UK in the early 17th century. In this 1 on 1 combat sport the combatants hold onto each others collars and try to kick their opponent in the shin using the inside of their foot or toes. All I know is if my opponent decided to use steel toe shoes, the sport would quickly change from shin-kicking to face beating.

Extreme Ironing

This sport (and it is very debatable if it is) When I first heard the name I thought it might have something to do with making cool objects out of iron. I never would have thought it actually has something to do with taking an ironing board to a remote weird location and pressing shirts. Some “Extreme Ironists” have been known to iron while climbing mountains, bungee jumping, riding a horse, on top of moving cars. This crazyness started around 1997 in the UK when an Englishman named Phil Shaw decided to combine the chore of ironing with his love for rock climbing. I hate ironing. So anything to make it more interesting I guess. It’s also possible he hated his wife and had a death wish. “You should be ironing my shirts women! Fine, I’ll go iron my own damn shirts in a remote F’ed up location. If I die it’s on you!”

Wife Carring

Is a sport that was first introduced in Finland. Male competitors race and compete for the fastest time as they carry there female teammate through an obstacle course. Several different types of carry can be used.

Dwiling Flonking

You might consider this more of a drinking game than an actual sport but either way it sounds hilarious. The first documented game was in 1966 in the UK. I don’t think I need to say anything funny about this cause reading about how it’s played on Wikipedia is funny enough. Lets see if you can follow along. According to Wikipedia the game is played by “two teams each taking a turn to dance around the other while attempting to avoid a beer soaked dwile (cloth) thrown by the non dancing team. A ‘dull witted person’ is chosen as the referee or ‘jobanowl’ and the two teams decide who flonks first by tossing a sugar beet. The game begins when the jobanowl shouts “Here y’go t’gither!” The non-flonking team joins hands and dances in a circle around a member of the flonking team, a practice known as ‘girting’. The flonker dips his dwile-tipped ‘driveller’ (a pole 2-3 ft long and made from hazel or yew) into a bucket of beer, then spins around in the opposite direction to the girters and flonks his dwile at them. If the dwile misses completely it is known as a ‘swadger’ or a ‘swage’. When this happens the flonker must drink the contents of an ale-filled gazunder’ before the wet dwile has passed from hand to hand along the line of now non-girting girters chanting the ceremonial mantra of “pot pot pot”.A full game comprises four ‘snurds’, each snurd being one team taking a turn at girting. The jobanowl adds interest and difficulty to the game by randomly switching the direction of rotation, and will levy drinking penalties on any player found not taking the game seriously enough.

Points are awarded as follows:

+3: a ‘wanton’- a direct hit on a girter’s head

+2: a ‘morther’ or ‘marther’- a body hit

+1: a ‘ripple’ or ‘ripper’- a leg hit

-1 per sober person at the end of the game

What the hell? haha It all sounds a bit like crazy gibberish to me. All I know is if some dude flonks his dwile at me while I’m in the middle of a snurd we have a problem.

My last blog basically pointed the finger towards Slavic nations as having the hottest female athletes. This blog points the finger at the English for coming up with bizarre sports. So at least you can’t say you didn’t learn something from me.

Adam Mallett
About whirlwind (262 Articles)
Movie Reviews and non P.C. takes on ridiculous stories from around the world.

1 Comment on Bizarre Sports

  1. rffffffffffffff // March 30, 2015 at 12:24 pm // Reply


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