It’s an age old question. Can two people of the opposite sex be really good platonic friends without either of them ever having a sexual or romantic thought about the other? In the short term, maybe and there are ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS to every rule, but that vast majority of the time it simply isn’t possible.
This is a topic that I have always been fascinated with. If you know me then I have probably asked you this question before. I truly would like to believe it’s possible, but it doesn’t work. As I said before there are always exceptions to every rule. Those exceptions are….
1. You have known them for so long that you view them as a brother or sister and you could never picture them as anything more.
2. Your friends, but you will hang out once every several months & exchange texts every once in a long while. Basically, you don’t hang out or are in contact frequently enough for those feelings to develope.
Beyond these exceptions if you are friends with someone of the opposite sex and are in contact with them several times during the week, I feel it is human nature for someone to start feeling or wanting something more than just a platonic friendship. Usually it’s the guy. Why? Because it’s in our nature and an evolutionary reflex. We are programmed to spread our seed and procreate with as many people as possible. When we come across a woman, it’s simply in our DNA to at least think about sleeping with her. That doesn’t mean it is acted upon though, because if his advances don’t work he loses any shred of hope of mating with that woman at some point in time, so he defaults to the friend role in the hopes that maybe he can sneak in somehow or someway. I don’t feel this is something done on purpose or realized. It’s just programmed.
For women, I have lost count how many times I have asked this question to a woman and gotten a response that sounds something like “It’s possible. I have a friend (enter guy name) and we are just good friends.” Sorry, but I am willing to bet while you might be thinking differently your “guy friend” (unless he is gay of course) would attempt to make a move if the right opportunity presented itself. Over the years I have realized even the most average looking women are hit on regularly. I can’t imagine how annoying that would get after a while. So I understand why some women can be totally bitchy at first as an act of defense, but there might be appeal for women to try and find a guy to relate to who doesn’t want to bang her. Chris Rock said it best. “Every time a man is being nice to you all he is doing is offering dick” Check out the short clip it’s hilarious. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xJHJAPIx_I
Sadly, it’s not to far from the truth. Other women know most of their guy friends would sleep with them if given the chance. There is also a small percent of women who I feel thrive off of this form of fake friend attention so they can feel validated.
It does annoy me when I see these fake guy friends around women “Orbiters” because they are trying to deceive the person into thinking they are a true friend when really they are waiting for an opportunity. That’s not friendship.
I’m no exception either. I’m not going to lie or sound like I am above all this. I can think of times in my life where I had a female friend and would have totally tried something under the right circumstances. That’s why I make sure my female friends become the #2 exception. Anyone I would want something more from it’s obvious.
Here is some food for thought. During this year’s bar hopping shenanigans on Saint Patrick’s Day with Arty & Eric around Boston, I would occasionally survey random people for the purpose of this article. In the end, I had asked 41 guys and 42 girls simply if they thought it was possible for guys and girls to just be platonic close friends without either of them ever having a sexual or romantic thought about the other. The results were interesting. For the women 35 of 42 (83%) said yes, it’s possible. For the guys 10 of 41 (24%) said it was possible. I know these numbers aren’t even close to what you would need for it to be considered scientific, but you’ve got to admit it’s interesting especially since the results are very lopsided. If what I believe is true and these numbers indicate anything, then all I can say is “sorry ladies but you’re being lied to!”