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My Mother Would Never Approve (The unorthodox erotic endeavors of my life) – “Everything Is Big In Texas, Including My Fear”

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My Mother Would Never Approve “The unorthodox erotic endeavors of my life” By Arty84 – http://www.wheresarty.com

This is an unedited chapter in my book that I am writing. I have been talking about this for several years and finally made a solid dent in the writing process. For those who want a sneak peak, here you go! I hope you enjoy it and know that this is a mere sample of things yet to come www.wheresarty.com

“Everything Is Big In Texas, Including My Fear”

It was about April in 2008 when the idea of this trip first came about. I had never taken a trip of this magnitude by myself before. I remember exactly the details. I was working in the back of the sneaker store, at this point I had been the stock boy for over 6 years, I was 23 at the time. I would regularly bring my computer to work and tap on to the wifi at the mall and cruise the internet, either for sports games or porn, depending on how I was feeling that day.

It had been about 9 months since I took the largest baseball road trip to date.  Me and my to cousins decided we were going to take this country by storm and drive my 99k 2001 jeep wrangler to 9 major cities and see 7 MLB games in the processes. We did stop by a suburb of the dirt D (Detroit) to visit my aunt, uncle and little cousins and take part in a Red Sox / Tigers game, so the trip wasn’t all strip clubs, truck stops and picking up strange girls from the Midwest.

What triggered me to go to Texas was A, I have never been there before, and B I noticed the Sox were playing the Astros one weekend in Late June/ July. I was taking summer semester class that year. It was my senior year ( 6 year) of college. With the grace of god, I was hoping to finally get my, what now seems like a wasted, degree in architecture. That week was my summer break and I decided I was going to go balls to the wall and see somewhere I never had, and do it solo. I had a JetBlue Amex card, where I was accumulating points from buying crap that as a college kid I had no right to buy. I had not cashed in since I had it and figured there is a first time for everything.

The schematics of the trip were going to be interesting. See, I couldn’t find a round trip flight from Boston to Texas, any city that is, using my points. The Best I could do, now follow me here, is fly from Boston to Austin, TX. From Austin the plan was to rent a car and drive to Houston for the night. There I would see the Sox and Astro’s game. The next day I would take an adventure and drive to Dallas for a Rangers game the next afternoon. The ride to Dallas was about 3 hours or so but I wanted to see the interesting city of Texarkana. Texarkana is a town that is split in half on the Texas/Arkansas border. The plan was to go here take a picture and drive towards Dallas in time for the game.

After the game, I was to spend the night in Dallas then take my rental car back to Austin, where I would then take a cab to a greyhound station and take the bus from Austin to Denver with a stop back in, yes Dallas. Seems kind of silly to leave Dallas to go to Dallas, yes I know. Now after I connected busses in Dallas I would take the bus to Denver and get there around 3PM the next day. I would then walk to the rental car place, grab a car, go to the Rockies Baseball game that night and then after the game drive to Denver airport and take a 12:30am flight to New york City. Now I would get to NYC at 8am about and then take a greyhound to Boston, then a sub way ride and a bus ride home. This is what was suppose to happen and it made the trip literally under 500 dollars for 4 days.Well, as all good adventures go, they never end up the way they are planned. Story of the life of Arty 84.

It was Friday night, June 27th 2008. My bags were packed, I got my tickets and my hotel rooms were booked. I was out to dinner with my parents that night at the bar I used to work at. (fast forward 1 year, I was back working there again). I was sitting at the bar where my good friend and future radio co-host, comedian obie one was working the night. We were talking about the details of the trip and he was upset he didn’t jump on board. I am going to be honest, I was a little scared of this adventure. See these long road trips, I always had at least another person with me. I felt that if shit went a stray, I’d have a little backup with me. That night I drank more than I usually do, I’m not a big fan of flying. Once I’m on the plane, I am good, but it’s the anticipation of the flight that gets me a little worried. Typically days before a flight, I’ll watch you tube footage of plane crashes like a sociopath.

I slept or pass out pretty good that night. I woke up with a hang over for a 7AM. It was going to be about 3 hours or so in the air. I get on the plane, turn on my ipod and pass out. Welcome to Austin the cute flight attendant say in her Texas accent. So I had check my small bag and there was a reason for that. I didn’t want to buy booze when I got there since I already had some. I put a 6 pack of beers in my bag hoping that when I got to my hotel in Houston, I could have a few beers before the game.

So I go down to fetch my bag and here it comes, a dirty red fake Samsonite that I had borrowed from my parents. As the bag came crashing down the turn Style I noticed there was a substance leaking out of the bag. Shit I said to myself as a immediately knew it was the beer. Hesitant to draw attention to myself in the airport, I got my bag and rolled it through the airport to the rental car terminal. I could smell the scent of Heineken pouring out of the duct taped rips. As I am heading towards the counter, I looked back to noticed there was a trail of liquid following me. Scared that TSA would think I was a terrorist, I made my way out of that terminal as fast as possible.

I exited the airport and the summer Texas heat hit me like a punch in the face. It was about 100 degree that day. I made my way to the car, that was the size of a golf cart. Through my beer soaked bag in the hatch back and turned on the GPS. 2 hours to Houston it said, yahoo! Now when I book my hotels I like to be as close to downtown as possible to avoid large cab fees. I am a responsible drunk who once make I get to my destination city, I park my car and not touch it until the next day.

In my travels of major cities and I enjoy taking part in things I couldn’t do where I live. For instants I really wanted to try a jack in the box.  When I was a kid, I remember hearing stories on he news about people dying from eating at a jack in the box, but for some reason that didn’t push me away from such pleasure. As soon as I seen one on the side of the highway I stopped and to my disappointment, I got to a gross, melted burger. 20 years of anticipation was down the drain.

It was at this point I made my journey full speed ahead. I had a deadline I needed to fulfill. The game was at 7 and I didn’t want to be late. As I approached the Houston area, I immediately figured out I made a terrible mistake in my hotel. You see, after looking at a map I picked up at a sketchy gas station, along with a 6 pack of bud, since the beer I brought along was no loner drinkable, I realized that my hotel wasn’t downtown, but in fact about 10 miles or so from the field. Now at this point I know I am going to have to grab a cab and it is probably going to cost me a pretty penny.

Now if you remember after hurricane Katrina, all the people for New Orleans were bused to Houston to live. We’ll this mini camps it seems were setup near my hotel with Katrina refugees. It looked dangerous and scary. For me to not want to walk by myself in a strange place means its bad. As talked about before I walked through the roughest part of Vegas all by myself in the dead of night.

At this point its about 6PM, so I ran into my room and downed as many beers as I could before the cab got there. An old trick I learned years ago was the old booze in the coffee cup method. I figured I’d do that and have a drink in the cab ride over. I jump in the cab and I know I am far away when I can’t even see the buildings in downtown. I know I’m not going to be able to go back to the hotel after the game, so I had to dress for night attire for afterwards, so I wasn’t really all Red Sox game day out.

I get to the field and do my usual ritual every time I get to a park. I buy my shot glass, and take a picture from behind home plate. I figured I need a drink to add on to the drinks I already have, I mean I am on vacation right? So having a Boston accent and ordering a beer in Texas may be harder then you thing. I have to slow down my speech and be like can I have a beer real slow.

Around the 7th inning the Red Sox where having their asses handed to them so I decided to leave and check out the night life. Where the stadium is there is a strip of bars next to the light rail that runs through downtown. Stupid me forgot it was Saturday night and every place I attempted to get into had either a cover or a long ass line. After going up and down the street several times, I headed in a direction away from the stadium. I walk and walk for what had to be a mile or 2. I finally get to this plaza where there was a Hard Rock Café. I went in and had a couple of beers. There was no one in there.

At this point I was thinking maybe I should roll the dice and see if there are any bars near my hotel. I left Hard Rock and was on search for a cab back to my hotel. This turned out to be a task that I didn’t quite sign up for. I wondered around and there was nothing. Downtown Houston is one of hose towns that are only really busy during the work week. I wondered some more and even considered walking back to my hotel 10 miles way. At one point of wondering I ended up on a ramp for the highway.

By a grace of god I found a cab sitting there near a light. I got in and the guy drove me back. I was trying to search things around my hotel on my black berry but couldn’t find anything. When we finally got to the hotel, i noticed there was a strip club a little ways away. This wasn’t exactly what I was down for. Being a single male from Boston in Texas all along, I was hoping for some little action from a chick walking through the same hotel as me.  After analyzing the strip club option, I realized I was looking at a 20 dollar cover and being a poor college kid, that may just lead to other things and eventually losing all my money the first night.

I was feeling tired from the beers and knew I had a long day the next day, and also the night before I barely got any money so I was ready to turn in for the night. I ordered an adult movie and said good night to Houston.

The morning came faster than me on a first date. I wanted to be on the road by 10, when I finally woke up it was 11 and after smelling myself, it was clear a showered was also needed to not offend any strangers today. I get in my car and head out. During this time I was on a real junior mint kick. I stopped at this truck stop, cause we all know I love truck stops, and grabbed 2 energy drinks, a junior mint and a bag of chips. Well about 2 miles down the road, I bit into the a mint, and it taste like a boot, mixed with prom night puke. About a mile down the road, the mint box was sitting beside highway marker 78 on I 30.

After a few hours, I have final arrived to Texarkana. Now let me remind you I am only driving there for about 10 minutes, then turning around and heading to Dallas for the game, back tracking about 3 hours or so. I really hope this two state city is worth the ride. Well I get off the highway and make my way into this town and it wasn’t nearly as exciting as I thought. I pulled over and took a picture of a sign that had Texas and Arkansas on it and then this nice stranger asked me if I wanted a picture of me in front of it. I declined since Texarkana had to be one of the most run down beaten cities I have ever been to.

After staying all but 10 minutes I realized it is my time to go. This city sucks and the story is not worth the 6 hours of my life that has been wasted in a car. It had been 95 plus degree all day and the ac in this mini rental car as been struggling. I knew the rangers game started at 5 and I was 3 hours away and it was 3PM. I knew I was going to be a little late to the game, but it was fine, my hotel was so far from the stadium I was going to drive there anyway.

See Dallas and Houston were a tale of two cities. In Houston where the stadium was downtown, I decided to stay 10 miles away. Now in Dallas were the stadium is in the burbs, I ended up staying downtown. Not to smart in my planning but you got to remember this is my first solo trip without the useless input of anyone.

So I get to the game and I am running through the parking lot. There was a major traffic jam on the highway. The who infrastructure of that area was being updated for the new Cowboys stadium that would be completed in a few years but would be in the same complex as a 6 flags and the baseball stadium.

I walk into the stadium and its one of the nicest stadiums I have ever been to. It was all bricked out and had a old school gorse racing track feel. I enjoyed a nice inter-league play game with the Philies coming to the Rangers ball park. I have to admit thought, I was pretty damn hot and I really wanted to go out and grab a drink. I left the game and made a B line to the hotel in downtown Dallas.

As I walk into the lobby of the hotel, there are a million kids. Apparently there was a cheerleading competition in the area and everyone was staying here. As I was trying to take a quick cat nap before going out, I heard the pitter patter of little feet slamming their bodies against the walls of the hall way. I did manage to get a wink in, but the night life search was sub par. I looked outside my hotel window and it appeared to be a club right behind the hotel.

I took a shower, put on some nice clothes, slammed back a few drinks and headed over to the club. I got into line of the club and I noticed that perhaps this isn’t the place I want to be. I go to the bouncer and asked him a few questions. He looks me up and down and says “he man, I don’t think this is your type of club”. At first I am a little taken back then after stepping back and seeing the characters rolling in, I realized that this was a very urban type club and I am not in a gang so I may not fit in.

I got to the guy working the door and ask him, where would someone like me go, a white, college tourist. He said greenline ave. “Green line ave? how far is that?”. “About a 10 minutes cab ride” he says. So I flagged down the next cab and was on my way to greenline with not a slight thought of what I was getting myself into.

I’m in the cab trying to google a few places to go and I noticed that my cab driver is drinking something out of a red solo cup as he is cruising down the road. I looked twice then realized I really don’t care if he was drinking. I want a drink and can’t wait to get to where I am going. With a quick left and a fast right, here we are. I get out of the car and for a good mile all I see is bar after bar, with a couple of pizza and coffee shops mixed in.

I wish I could remember the places I went to, but one places had 2 dollar drinks all night and it was 2 dollars for anything you wanted. I was there for a little then made my way down to the next place that had a cool roof top bar but was a ghost town. Off to the next I thought and I went to the trendy type bar where I had my first convocation with a Texas girl. A cute blonde with big boobs and a cute texas accent say hey you. She was a promoter for the bar and wanted me to go in. At the time I was txting Obie One and as I was getting information on her, I was having him do  a search on myspace to get me more info.

She final convinces me to come in for a few drinks on the house. We chat, we learned about each other. She learns that I play minor league baseball for the Portland AA seadogs and I am a utility infielder. I learn that she is single and looking for a good time but doesn’t get out of work until 3AM, at this time its only about 11PM. What to do for the next 4 hours? Well went back to the first bar, and drank it up. Me and the blonde had exchanged numbers and were set to chill later on.

At this point I knew I had to leave Dallas by 8AM to get to Austin by 10AM to drop my car off and then take a cab to the bus station of a 12PM bus, so sleep might be on the back burner that night. I sit at the bar and I push and push to stay awake. I don’t know where I am going to end up but I knew big boobie Texas girl is going be my chill out buddy.

Lets fast forward to the next morning when I am waking up. Im alone, in my hotel room with no knowledge of how I got there. No missed calls or missed txt and a lot less money then I had. It seems that me and miss Texas never got together and that part that scares me was I have no idea how I got myself into the cab and ended back to the correct hotel. Never the less I had plenty of time to think about it on my car ride and bus trip.

8AM I was on the road again heading to Austin. I always wanted to stop at Willie Nelson’s truck stop off of I35. Well I pulled off the road and when I got there, it appeared the place was closed. Totally bummed but what could I do, except keep on trucking. I get to Austin airport, drop my car off, grab a cab and off to the sketchy bus station. As I walked into the bus station it was nothing like I am used to. In Boston we have a really nice bus station, Austin not so much.

The whole time I am in the station I think I’m going to robbed. My family friends will not know where I am. I will diaper off the face of the earth or being in the back of a creepy 18 wheeler or something. As the bus pulled up a little relief came over me. That was until the bus driver hustled me to check my bag under the bus.

It was funny because the bus was heading back to Dallas, on the same road that I was just on a meer few hours ago. This bus contained some of the strangers people I have ever seen. I was actually afraid of falling asleep on the bus with the fear I would wake up as a lamp shade in some ones apartment. Pulling into the Dallas bus station was the greatest sight I had seen for a while, or at leased I thought it was.

I get off the bus and the conditions are worse than the port authority in new York city, and if you have been there, homeless people pee on the chairs and hookers make their money there. I gather my items and I start thinking to my self, do I really want to be on a bus for 12 hours with theses creepy people. I start weighing my options, how do I get to Denver. Rental car perhaps?

Without drawing to much attention to myself I take out my laptop and sit near a column near a plug. Thank god 6 mouths earlier I had bought an air car for my computer so that I had the internet. I knew if I decided to abandoned my ticket, I would be out 80 dollars, but there didn’t seem to be much of a choice. I could of just stayed a night in Dallas and paid for a flight back to Boston, but I know I wouldn’t get that free flight back either. No matter what way I sliced it I was going to be out some money.

I’m online and I find a car for about 120 total, picking up at Dallas Airport and dropping off at Denver. Now at this point it was about 4PM. Once I get to the airport, which I still haven’t figured out how to, I’d still have to get the car and I didn’t see myself getting on the road until 6PM.  That would give me exactly 24 hours to get to Denver before the Rockies game the next day. GAME ON!

I ordered my car and now had to figure out how to get out of this downtown area and to the airport. I figured, hey lets grab a cab. See growing up in Boston, I am used to the airport being like 5 miles outside of downtown, but it dallas were they have so much space, the airport was a good 20 miles way.

Im on the corner of the bus terminal and I’m trying to flag a cab down. While doing so, I did something my gut would always tell me never to do. A homeless guy comes up to me and asks me where I am trying to go. I say “the airport, im getting a cab to the airport, why is there a better way?” The homeless guy looked at me and said “ that’s gonna cost you at least 50 bucks, take the commuter rail, its only 8 dollars”. I was hesitant to follow a homeless mans suggestion, but I was short on cash and I knew what I had to do.”wheres the station”, I said. “about a mile a way, I’ll take you there”.

Well it was broad day out, a million people around and if he was going to rob me, then there would be a lot of people to view this. The joke would have been on him, I didn’t have much for him to steal anyways. We start our walk, it was about 95 degrees out and I strike up convocation with the guy. He said he was homeless for about a year, the booze got the better of him and the wife and daughter took off. “Today is my birthday” he said. “Happy birthday man, and sorry to hear your story” Now to this day, I don’t know if he was bullshitting me or just being a sincere guy. Is this how people are away from Boston? Perhaps, but I was taking a chance to find out.

After about 20 minutes I arrive to the station. “Thank you” I said, while reaching into my pocket for my wallet. “here take this, thank you for my help”. I gave him a 20, he told me no no, but I insisted. See if he was going to rob me, I would have been out more then 20, if I took the bus, I would probably be dead and if I took a cab I would be out over 50, to me the 20 was a fair trade off.

Ticket bought, train pulls in and Im off to Dallas airport and its about 5PM at this point. A quick 15 minute ride and here I am. Now 2 bus shuttle rides and Im at the rental car terminal. I get in there, give my information and by 5:45 I have my car and ready to head out. Now I have no idea what I’m going to do for sleep. I really don’t have the money for a hotel that night. I’m just going to drive all night like I did on spring break 2, and if I get tired, pull over and take a nap.

My blackberry battery was running really low. I didn’t have a phone charger for the car, but I did have a power adapter that took 12 volts from the car and made it into a house plug. Well I plug in the adaptor and then my phone and nothing, not a bit of electricity id running through. I try the other power outlet, Nothing. “Shit” my phone is going to die. I already called my mom and told her I was on the bus to Denver and god forbid if I was stranded on the site of the road, what would I do?

My first thought if maybe I should just drive a little bit, I need dinner anyways, so maybe I’ll stop grab some food and charge my phone as I’m waiting. I drive 2 hours and I’m in Oklahoma at this point. I see an applebees and I pull into there. Before I get out I explore the back seats of my rental. See they folded back and I could see myself using the truck/backseat as a bed for the night. I get into the restaurant, sit at the bar and wait there for 20 minutes. No one has come up to me or even asked if I needed anything. Time is not on my side at this point. I only had about 30 minutes and now I haven’t even been talked to and im at 20, AND no phone charged.

I get back into the car and keep driving. I was wondering why the car plug isn’t working. After a quick though, I figured it must me the fuse and that stupid adapter I have must be blowing the fuse out. No sooner I thought that, I seen a truck stop ahead and figured they must have fusees.

I pull off go inside, at this point its about 8PM and starting to get dark. I grab some fuses and grab a cheap car charger for my phone, and some snack goodies of course. By the time I got outside, it was dark and I had no idea where the fuse box was. After about 20 minutes, I found it and got the circuit up and running. It was about 9PM at this time. I moved on further trucking through the dark Midwest.

I didn’t start feeling tired until about 12:30am, and at about 1 AM the tiredness was more then I could handle. I needed to stop, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, but I needed to be back on the road by 7 so a hotel would be a waste for a few hours. I didn’t want to pull off the road in the dark, and I didn’t want to park at a truck stop. I thought really hard and I remember when I wanted to park someone where and didn’t want anyone to think I shouldn’t park there, I would go to a hotel parking lot.

I used to take girls there all the time to fool around. You pull in the back away from the light. No one really goes through looking for a ticket to park there. Great plan, I thought, Ill pull into a hotel parking lot, set me alarm to 6 am, crawled into the back of my rental, made a pillow with my suitcase and buried myself in a couple of sweat shirts. The temperature dropped to about 65 that night, thank god.

At this point my battery was charged pretty good. My wallet and phone were hidden away and I was ready for anything that night. At first falling asleep with a little hard. The anxiety level was up there. I was hoping nothing happen to me. Only obie one and my buddy ralph knew I wasn’t on the bus. Once I feel asleep, I was out. In fact I was woken by the hot Midwest sun before my alarm even went off. I got up, jogged around the parking lot real quick to get the blood flowing and was ready for 9 more hours of driving.

Instead of taking the most direct route, I took a more scenic approach. I made my trip so I could see Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska and Wyoming before getting to Colorado. It was a couple hours out of my way, but I need to see those states. I was cruising and loving this wide opening driving. At about half way down I 70 in Kansas, I took a right and headed north to Nebraska. I was going to take an old country road north towards I 80, then continue west. Farmland and small little town centers were awesome to see.

I love how you can drive in the country and see things you wouldn’t see in the big cities. Small town centers with like 6 shops and then farmland right after. This was one of the best experiences in my life. The altitude was growing and the hot sun was intense. I looked at the temperature on the dash and at one point it was close to 105 degrees.

At the Nebraska/Kansas line I got out of my car. It was an old farm road I was on. I stood on the middle of the road and looked at nothing for miles. It was surreal. I felt completely calm inside and it was at this point that I realized I was meant to take this route. The situations that led to me not wanting to take the bus, the nice homeless guy in Dallas and everything that led up to that point were for a reason. At this point I made a point to see every state, every city and experiences what this country as to offer before I die.

I had never been in the Mountain time zone before, and about 20 miles down I 80 in Nebraska I went into a time machine. See when I was in vegas 5 weeks prier, we took the Hoover dam tour, but Arizona doesn’t do daylight savings so they were at pacific time.

At this point I could start to see the beautiful rocky mountains, I looked at my GPS and it said I was over a mile above sea level. I got into Wyoming, stopped for my shot glass and was about 2 hours away from Denver and making great time too.

As I turned onto I25 and headed south, all I can remember is how much Colorado drivers drive like assholes. I was cruising down the road minding my own and the people would blast past me at 100 miles per hour. After a quick stop at an Arbys for some fries, I was at the rockies game an hour ahead of schedule.

Coors field has a row of seats painted purple which indicates exactly 1 mile above sea level. The park as a whole is one of the nicest parks I have ever seen. Sitting there watching the game, I can see snow still on the peaks of the mountains in the middle of summer.

7 innings into the game, it was about 9pm and I know the airport was about 45 minutes away. I had a 12:30AM flight and wanted to get there in enough time to relax before my flight. It’s a shame I only had a few hours in Denver. I never got a chance to experience the city for all its worth. Someday I will get back to mile high city.  I get to the airport, drop my car off, shuttle over and the place is a ghost town. I love late night flights. Nothing is better then drinking your ass off, getting on a flight, falling asleep and waking up at your destination.

The first thing I do after I get through security is find a bar to sit, charge my phone and computer and start my drinking. I knew that I had still a long journey in front of me. Once I landed in New York, I had to take the subway to Manhattan, then take a greyhound to Boston, then 1 subway train and a bus back to Revere. When I sat at the bar, it was about 10 PM, I knew I wouldn’t get back to Revere until 2PM the next day.

I walk into this small bar at the airport. It’s a wall bar, very tight and not much room. I make my way to a stool. To my right is a flight attendant, say 56 years old from LA and to my left is a business man from Baltimore. After a couple of beers we all get to talking and before I know it, the 56 year old was trying to fix me up with her daughter who lives out in California. Me and the guy from Batimore heard this ladies whole life story in about 2 hours. Needless to say, I didn’t get the daughter number.

Now its about midnight at this point and I am about 5 20 oz beers in. I get up and the world starts to spin. Im trying to play in cool. I don’t want to not be able to get onto my flight. I shuffle over, give the lady my ticket and sit nicely in my seat. I put my seat belt on and from that point on I have no idea what happen. The next thing I remember is its about 5 am and the flight crew was coming around with breakfast drinks but I was so tired I just opened my eyes then closed them.

Welcome to New York the pilot said. I got up for my hung over drunken sleep, sat up and really remembered very little from that flight. I could have been taken advantage of and not known. I grab my bags, and make my way to the luggage pickup area.

I had only been to this part of the airport once before. When I was dating the Connecticut chick we flew to Florida from JFK. From what I remembered though it is a project to get back to the city. After 30 minutes of waiting for my bag I attempted this journey. I think 2 train changes and a unmanned train before I got to the port authority.

I remember the day really well. It was sunny and I was on the elevated platform waiting for the first train after getting off the airport tram. I felt a little uneasy for a little bit. New York City, once you get deep into the boroughs is like  another country. The train came, I went on and in about 45 minutes of nothing happening to me I was near the port authority on 8th ave and 42nd street.

I get up to street level and look around. If you don’t know anything about 8th Ave in NYC, this is wear all the peep shows and porn shops moved after they were kicked out of times square. So I’m walking down the street and have to go the bathroom real bad. I don’t want to go to a restaurant because they make you buy something. I didn’t want to go to port authority, because homeless people have sex in there.

After a quick destination I decided to go into the porn/peep show place. I figured I will pretend to buy something then make my way to the bathroom. I figured the few times I been in a place like that, it always smells like cleaning supplies (later I found out it is because they are always cleaning, well you know what off the floor).

I make my way to the back of the store where the peep shows are and just like that I find the bathroom. I walk in, its nice and clean, go the bathroom and as I’m exiting the place, I realize there is a used condom attached to the wheel of my suitcase. I scream and get instantly grossed out. Not really sure where it came from of if there were anymore around that I could step in by accident. After shaking the bag like can of paint at home depot, I final got it off. I was hoping the gross floor of the port authority would wash the filth off.

From this point on, nothing exciting happens. I made it home alive, survived living in the back of my rental car of the night, didn’t get killed on the bus and had a story to tell. I learned a lot on this trip that I will forever keep with me on future trips. I never got a chance to relive the back of the car sleeping arrangement and really hope down the line I never do.

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