If I could change some rules/things in sports

By Adam Mallet

Aside from the potential intensity of a game, sports are a great
distraction from the problems we face in our lives. Maybe you need a
couple hours to focus on something else when you’ve had a bad day, or
your significant other is driving you crazy. My favorite sport is
Baseball. Football is a distant second. I won’t lie though, if I had a
say I would change a couple things.
It’s no mystery that athletes are over paid. When you realize how
much most of these guys are making to play a glorified kids game it
can be nauseating. For example, the league minimum in Baseball is
$490,000! Which is crazy! If you don’t believe me check it out —–>
http://mlb.mlb.com/pa/info/faq.jsp#minimum That means you could
totally suck, warm the bench all year as a shittie backup player and
still get paid almost half a million. Not bad right!? For that kind of
money I would gladly stand on the third base line during the seventh
inning stretch and let people in the stands throw flaming bags of
feces at me. Don’t lie, you would too. Salaries have gotten out of
control. If I had my way, athletes could only have a salary range
between $50,000 – $1,000,000 per season.
I am tired of being at a game and noticing fake fans who understand
nothing about the sport they are watching. At least understand the
basic idea of it! If you don’t know then don’t ask stupid questions.
It’s not cute. Use the internet and ask google. Once at a redsox game,
I overheard the girl next to me ask her boyfriend “why is it called a
foul ball? Did the player hit it back into the crowd because he
thought the ball smelled bad and he wanted a new one to hit?” I wish I
could say I’m joking about that story, but its true. That was probably
the same kind of girl you could convince that if you jump up and down
after unprotected sex you can’t get pregnant. I guess you can’t say
she was totally brain dead though. She did manage to make a connection
that the word ‘foul’ might pertain to a smell. This annoys me though.
Good seats can be difficult to get. It’s possible someone more
deserving might have missed out just because this chick had a
connection. In my world, right before your ticket is scanned at the
gate you would be asked a very easy question like “name a position” or
even “name a player.” If you can’t answer that you are denied
I don’t condone people jumping on the field during a game. I
understand though that these things tend to happen. So why not make it
interesting?! At stadiums where the bullpen is in the outfield, let
any idiot who has had a little to much liquid courage or just feels
like being an attention seeking moron jump on the field and onto a
marker that is located alongside the furthest dugout from the bullpen
area. From there if they can make it across the field to the bullpen
without being tackled by security they win tickets and an autographed
baseball signed by the entire team. However, if they don’t make it
(and I assure you they most likely won’t HAHAHA!) not only are they
beaten into submission with clubs in front thousands of fans, but they
are banned from the ballpark for life and subjected to fines that make
yearly college tuition at Harvard look like a joke.
Have you felt lately that certain rivalry’s just aren’t what they
once were? I know I do and I think its time to flair some of them back
up again. What better way to do that then for one selected game during
the season when a team plays it’s biggest rival, allowing ticket
holders to bring there own booze into the stadium! That’s a sure way
to fire up those bleacher creatures.
These are a few ways things I wish I could change. It’s always fun
to think of ways to make a sport more entertaining. Sports are a great
and healthy distraction…Unless of course you have some sort of
gambling problem.

Adam Mallett

About whirlwind (262 Articles)
Movie Reviews and non P.C. takes on ridiculous stories from around the world.

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